Don't go like this

The idea of death, or dying, is pretty scary when you think about it. It's probably pretty high up on the list of most people's greatest fears. The only experience we have is with life, and so when we imagine darkness or nothingness or emptiness, it seems absurd and strange and frightening. Still, some people make conscious decisions to die rather than to live. Focusing on a subsect of those people, we turn to assisted suicide. These are people who typically suffer some sort of severe physical illness and make a deliberate and informed decision to end their life. 

"Go Like This", at a basic level, is about a woman in the days leading up to her assisted suicide. She seems fairly resolute and collected, at least to other people, though at the end of the story we wonder if her decision was really for the better. While she claims that "I have chosen suicide as the most rational and humane alternative to my cancer, an act not so much of self-sacrifice as of beauty, of sparing", we hesitate to believe her so readily. 

One thing that we might find a bit disconcerting about our narrator's (Liz) plans is how easily her friends accept them, and how there seems to be way more of a focus on the beauty of death and making some sort of statement with one's own than the loss of life and the loss of someone so close and dear.  This "cool intellectual lot", middle class bearers of worldliness and sophistication, indulge Liz's desires for a meaningful and poignant death. They say that "suicide can be, often is, the most definitive statement one can make about one’s life". Liz's husband, Elliott, even adds that "it will possibly be the most creative act Liz has ever accomplished... I mean, it could be viewed that way". It feels like there's such a need for artistry or pretenses that actual emotions and opinions are cast aside and left unsaid. We would hope that our friends would try to discourage us from assisted suicide, even if we did appear reasonable and rational and confident. Sure, part of not wanting loved ones to die can be attributed to selfishness--we don't want to lose them. But part of it is also caring and being sincere and more concerned about someone's wellbeing than agreeing with them for the sake of supposed art and beauty. As William says, "it sounds beautiful, but it’s fishy. Something’s not right underneath".

Liz claims that she is committing suicide for her husband and her child. Do we believe her? There is this idea that when faced with a disease such as cancer, one should stick it out and fight until the very end. Assisted suicide, in that sense, could be seen as an 'easy' way out. And yet, what's wrong with an 'easy' way out if it spares you from some suffering and pain, and you're fully aware of the impact of your actions on not only your life (and how it will end), but also loved ones'? Liz claims that "the cancer is poisoning at least three lives and that I refuse to be its accomplice"; a bold statement. We see Liz talk with her daughter Blaine about her plans, and she reveals to us some worries about some things Blaine will encounter, growing up without her mother (such as menstruation), at the end of the story. But even from all of this, while Liz tries to be intellectual and logical, there seem to be inconsistencies and a lack of consideration for others (despite what Liz says). A part of me wants to be contrary and ask, "what about the legalities? how will this be explained to the hospital or the police? have you considered the toll on Elliott for being a single parent? what will your daughter think of you when she's older? will she really appreciate what you're doing?". 

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things, for me at least, is Liz and Elliott's relationship. They don't seem to communicate much, and in such a time of need, they don't seem to be comfortable with showing vulnerability. We should assume that couples who make such important decisions such as one of them committing suicide take time to have thoughtful discussions and show each other love. But that's not the case here. Something I find particularly offputting is Liz's fixation on Elliott's (lack of) sexual attraction to her, and how much significance she gives it. She's so lonely, making such a life-and-death decision, and needs attention and love and care. She bases her worth off of his actions towards her, and it isn't much. Liz tries to be a heroic figure who's sacrificing her life so her husband and daughter will be better off, but they aren't playing their roles properly. Her husband is paralyzed and doesn't seem to be able to show how he really feels, and her daughter is distraught and doesn't understand the full extent of what's going on.